to see the King in His beauty...

Israel

2011-11-12T19:15:00.000-05:00

Been away. Been to the land of Israel.
So many emotions. So many thoughts. Every time I have gone, it seems like God reconstructs my heart at a deep level. There is much to process.
For now here is a glorious picture of the sun shining on the Mediterranean Sea (I have never seen the sea reflect the sun like this) from the vantage point of Mount Carmel. The same view Elijah must have had when he saw the cloud the size of a man's hand. It is one of my treasured places there. A beautiful place of God showing Himself strong in a weak man who trusted Him (2 Chronicles 16:9).
I love God.

celebrating the good of others for the glory of God

2011-10-22T09:23:00.000-04:00

Rejoice in the good of others, though it eclipses your light, though it makes your parts, your abilities, and your excellencies dimmer in the eyes of others. Were it not for the eminence of some above you, your parts perhaps would shine more brightly and be of high esteem. Yet to rejoice in this from the heart, to bless God from the soul for His gifts and graces in others, that His name may be glorified more by others than I can glorify it myself; to be able to truly say, ‘Though I can do little, yet blessed be God there are some who can do more for God than I, and in this I do and will rejoice’—this is indeed to be able to do much more than others. This shows a great eminence of spirit.

~ Jeremiah Burroughs

amen and amen.

inward ardor: love's fire

2011-10-11T00:07:00.007-04:00

"The sense I had of divine things, would often of a sudden kindle up, as it were, a sweet burning in my heart; an ardor of soul, that I know not how to express…."

"The inward ardor of my soul, seemed to be hindered and pent up, and could not freely flame out as it would. I used often to think, how in heaven this principle should freely and fully vent and express itself. Heaven appeared exceedingly delightful, as a world of love; and that all happiness consisted in living in pure, humble, heavenly, divine love."

Jonathan Edwards- selections from his personal narrative

We have been traveling and one sweet traveling companion (in reading) has been a selection of the writings of Jonathan Edwards. The descriptions above of how he experienced God have captured me. I relate to them in simple ways. Yes! I have known this ardor! Yes, I have been completely undone! And yes, knowing God in such disconcerting reality draws me into a completely humbling longing for holiness. Reading more of his writings, you can see how this drew him to prayer, and to a deep desire for heaven, where this ardor could find full expression. These encounters with The Holy changed his view of everything. All of creation appeared dramatically different and his understanding of God was forever changed.

Ardor is a 500+ year old Latin based word meaning fervency, earnestness and intensity. Its original meaning speaks of a flame, a brightly burning flame. Contemplating this definition coupled with Jonathan's testimony, I was reminded of Song of Songs 8:6 and the love of God being compared to a burning flame. His love is where it all begins.

“Put me like a seal over your heart, Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, Jealousy is as severe as Sheol; Its flashes are flashes of fire, The very flame of the Lord.” (Song of Solomon 8:6, NASB95)

This unrelenting, fiery love of God has captured us and refines us still. It is the same love of Romans 8:35-39

"Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or anguish or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

As it is written: Because of You we are being put to death all day long; we are counted as sheep to be slaughtered. No, in all these things we are more than victorious through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!"

THIS is the effect of such fiery love. We are brought near and held close to this blaze. The most horrific of circumstances cannot separate us from His love. And what is the result? Inward ardor that completely disrupts our life "as usual". Romans 12:11 commands the believer to "..be fervent in spirit..", the word fervent is related to ardor, carrying a sense of boiling in its oldest meaning, sometimes translated aglow or ardent. Our spirit, indwelt by the Spirit of God, is ignited for Jesus and His Kingdom.

And this becomes our normal life, not always the glorious "feeling" of it, but the fact. A burning love that causes us to pursue and long for holiness. Zeal to share the Gospel, perhaps risking our very lives. This love of God, shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5), compels us (2 Corinthians.5:14) to serve others. There is something amazing going on inside us, whether we are conscious of it or not, or willingly fanning the flames of devotion.

We find an inward ardor that causes us to long for heaven where full expression of this deep piety awaits us. A glorious day is coming when we will join with dear Jonathan Edwards to make much of God in unrestrained, radiant joy!

All this initiated by a God who made Himself known as a consuming fire before Israel on the mountain, at the Holy Spirit's initial outpouring, appearing as "tongues of fire"(Acts 2:3) and will reveal Himself as the glorious returning King with fire in his eyes (Revelation 19:12), the Triune One ablaze in His disclosure.

Our inward ardor has been stirred by the God who answers by fire (1 Kings 18:24).

1John 4:19 "We love because He first loved us."

Perfect holy passion awakens our weak, but growing, spark of affection in response. I am convinced that the more we allow His refining, transforming love to impact our lives, giving Him free access, holding nothing back, the more fiery our own love grows in response. We obey the command to be "fervent in spirit". And God, this God whose love is forever kindled towards us, is glorified.

And life is never the same.

Never.

Come closer

2011-09-23T15:37:00.001-04:00

When we say to the Lord, "Only You are worthy, only You are holy.
There is no one like You, in heaven and earth." What are we really saying?
I weep as I write this.
There is NO ONE like Him. His perfections. Glorious and Holy.
Only One. NO other. Powerful. Kind. Just.
Salvation.
There is no other.
Absolute righteousness. No shadows. Only light.
We can fully trust Him. Invited to draw near.
Come closer. That was always His desire.
He has made the way.
Jesus.
No one like Him.
He is the only way. The only One.
We are safe in Him.
Completely known.
Completely loved.

Be made new.
Come closer.
Find rest.
Enter the Sabbath rest of God.

"Come unto Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

unchanging

2011-09-14T23:17:00.001-04:00

The best relationships are tested.
A scrumptious meal ends.
Stems lose their petals.
Beautiful melodies eventually bore.
Memories fade in clarity.
Blazing sunsets fade to black.
Longings are satisfied. New ones emerge.
Fall's palette of colors crisp to brown.
On earth
Beauty never lasts.
Famed talents fade into obscurity.
Comforting tides pull back to sea.
Accolades lose glory in memory.
Cuddly babies grow to children, and children to adults.
Songs crescendo and come to an end.
The dancer finishes exhausted.
The fascinating novel ends, leaving us longing for more.
Nothing lasts.

Except...

The Lord's mercies never end. In fact, they are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22,23)

Even if we are unfaithful to Him, He remains faithful. (2Timothy 2:13)

HE …DOES…NOT …CHANGE. (Malachi 3:6)

So much of what changes are normal life things, the ever challenging reminder of eternal hopes. A lot can be said about treasuring joys of earth while fixing hope in heaven. Yet, there is something deeper stirring.
Things are increasingly, even hauntingly echoing the promise of Scripture for the end of days. I am being frequently reminded of the HOPE that is ours. The faithfulness we are called to. How can we live in our own faithfulness apart from His? We must deeply consider Him (Hebrews 12:3). He is unchanging, unceasingly faithful, good, and full of mercy and justice.
This is, I think, a good and necessary meditation.
It is mine right now.

refuge

2011-09-09T18:57:00.000-04:00

A powerful, unexpected storm.
Rain in sheets, relentless.
Thunder pounds, drawing nearer. Flashes of light from the heavens. Man's light dims.
Power.
There was no warning for this one.
It just came…
Humbling in its absolute authority.
This sudden tempest.
It sweeps in and takes charge.
Plans change. People hurry. There is that shaky feeling inside.
I am so small.
Really, anything can happen. Anything.
I turn (in my heart) to the One who holds the wind in His storehouses. (Psalm 135:7)
Humbled. A good reminder. We forget so easily.
How we need Him. How we are loved by Him.
Graced to love Him in return. In all circumstances. TRUST.
A holy quietness floods in.
Our Refuge in the storm.

The Lord sits as King forever

2011-09-06T09:05:00.000-04:00

I realized it was something familiar.
The beautiful cadence of Psalm 136. With every recounting of God's actions among His people, the refrain would continue: His love endures forever. Through much of Israel's history, both thrilling and terrifying. His love endures forever.
As I was reading this morning, I believe He was reminding me "the LORD sits as King forever. " Psalm 29:10
In every circumstance in Mark where I was reading,
The unclean spirits obey Him- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
As Jesus chose His disciples-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
When people were angry at Him-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER.
Dining with sinners-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
It was the similar rhythm.
A melody of faithfulness...
Healing the paralytic- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
He is the Lord of the Sabbath-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
He called the twelve-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
They said He was out of His mind-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
Speaking parables-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
I could feel strength rising in my heart and mind. I kept reading.
Driving out demons with a word- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
Healing, healing, healing-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
Rejected by the unbelieving-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
John the Baptist is beheaded- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
Thousands miraculously fed-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER
Peter confesses who Jesus really is-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER

And on through the crucifixion and resurrection. THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER!

And today, as earthquakes and hurricanes are upon our nation-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER.
As events increasingly unfold in the quest for Palestinian statehood, with the threats of attending violence and terror for Israel- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER.
Famine in Somalia-THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER.
As terrifying predictions of economic collapse fill the airways- THE LORD SITS AS KING FOREVER.
Through stories of victories and sorrows, He is not moved from His throne. He is accomplishing what we cannot yet see. HE IS GOOD AND HIS MERCY ENDURES FOREVER.

There is a stabilizing rhythm through life…a comforting melody of faithfulness and sovereignty.
There is a perspective from heaven that we can now only see in part.
There is hope for the future. It is not a weak, vague hope. It is firmly placed in the One who is GOOD. Let us fix our gaze.

Psalm 33
“Sing for joy in the Lord, O you righteous ones; Praise is becoming to the upright. Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre; Sing praises to Him with a harp of ten strings. Sing to Him a new song; Play skillfully with a shout of joy. For the word of the Lord is upright, And all His work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice; The earth is full of the lovingkindness of the Lord. By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap; He lays up the deeps in storehouses. Let all the earth fear the Lord; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast. The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the Lord stands forever, The plans of His heart from generation to generation. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, The people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance. The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men; From His dwelling place He looks out On all the inhabitants of the earth, He who fashions the hearts of them all, He who understands all their works. The king is not saved by a mighty army; A warrior is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a false hope for victory; Nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, On those who hope for His lovingkindness, To deliver their soul from death And to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, Because we trust in His holy name. Let Your lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, According as we have hoped in You.” (Psalm 33, NASB95)

the excellent pain of surrender

2011-08-30T12:24:00.007-04:00

You may have all of me.
I will make payment on this promise as soon as the prayer for this Sorrow is answered.
I promise.
You are (will be) worthy (in my eyes) of all my trust.
I just need to have this one anxious situation (my Sorrow) resolved.
Then I am all yours.
My testimony will be great. I will sing of Your great love and faithfulness.
Forever.
I promise.
Just do this one thing. You won't want me to be fully Yours anyway, not till this is settled. This Sorrow.
I am a deeply abandoned person. I am almost completely Yours.
When this one thing gets settled, I am totally there. Can't wait.
Silence. More waiting.
I feel like You are showing me this Sorrow again. Can we not talk about this right now? I am sorry, but it is wildly tender to the touch. I cannot face the pain of it right now. PLEASE just answer my request…I cannot bear this exposure. Cannot live with this level of pain and sorrow. PLEASE…just give me what I ask…and all will be well.
Silence.
It is like I am holding a hostage awaiting the ransom.
(yet God cannot be "held")
I can't even consider accepting this sorrow not being made "right" yet..
I can't forget about it. That would be like…not caring..not hoping…not
trusting. Once it is resolved, it is Yours. I promise.

Oh...please not that…please...

THIS is the offering You want.

To love You here…now…with no answer yet. To be willing to have it unanswered.
(Tears fall freely now)
But if I don't monitor this hurt, where will it go?
Who will maintain it?
I wanted everything perfect before giving my ALL.
Loving You with this Sorrow still standing. I am sorry. I cannot. I won't.
If I don't carry this pain, who will? Surely You are not asking for this, it is not made RIGHT! HOW CAN I RELEASE TO YOU WHAT IS NOT RIGHT?
It is worse than that.
Giving You this Sorrow to do with as You like.
THIS IS THE PLACE OF SURRENDER.
How. How?
I fear You may not answer if I surrender.
I feel unable to trust. I have to know You are faithful. Not in a pat answer. But in TRUTH.
If never resolved to my longing, You are still my God. I have none besides You…I will love You still.
Here. This imperfect heart, still broken. Weak and weary.
Give this to You. This unspeakable Sorrow (or worry or fear or shame or disappointment…)
Do with it what You will.
May it bring You honor. May my pain not diminish Your glory.
I didn't think I deserved living wholeheartedly before You with this still so very present.
This Sorrow. Consuming my nights and days. Chronic background grief. Ever present.
Yet, trusting You with this is the very doorway to abandonment. To surrender.
THIS is the place of meeting.
THIS is where You tend Your flocks. (Song of Songs 1:7)
This is where You are.
Casting ALL my care on You.
Because You care for me. (1 Peter 5:7)
It is not that I don't care, or pretend that I don't.
But You are the Carrier of our Sorrows. (Isaiah 53:4)
The battle ends. Words can't describe the anguish during or the settled peace afterward.
Both indescribable because of Your relentless pursuit.
You are after our hearts.
We pursue circumstances often, to our peril.
Shifting our gaze, You are the One Pursuit.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Phil. 3:12 ESV

Repentance is a sweet sorrow, so that the more of this sorrow, the more pleasure." Jonathan Edwards (thanks Jess!)

Birth Pangs

2011-08-25T16:17:00.001-04:00

Hurricane warnings. Earthquakes in crazy places. Wars raging in Libya and (what looks like a war) in Syria. Over 100 rockets of various kinds shot into Israel over a couple of days.
A horrific famine in Somalia. Governments toppling. The list could go on and on... I was listening to a friend share about a sense of a low level depression following her. I wondered aloud if it related at all to the days in which we live. Unconscious effects of distant sorrows. Today we watch the wind relentlessly swirling around us, and we are hundreds of miles away from the storm. Yet the effects are far reaching. Hurricanes like Irene are massive. Wreaking havoc. The near constant wind today is a reminder, a subconscious alert that many are suffering.
I know many "never watch the news, it is too depressing", yet the "news" still travels to us in a myriad of ways. I do read news on the internet and my heart aches for the condition of humanity across the globe, not to mention the pains of dear ones we are related to. A wave of despair and utter helplessness can wash over us repeatedly with every new development. I believe our God is ushering a wake up call to the church and to the world through every display of that which we feel no control over.

Yet, there is rising in me a "low level" hope. It is actually not so low anymore. It increases as I give myself more deeply to Jesus in this strange and remarkable hour in which we live.
Look at Mark 13 where Jesus warns His disciples about the suffering ahead for them. This passage is shadowed with meaning for us at the end of age, a weaving together of preparation for two generations. He speaks of wars and rumors of wars. then and now. He warns of massive suffering. Earthquakes and famines. Signs in the heavens. False Messiahs. He speaks of escapes and the provisions He gives in the midst. And then He gives the best promise of all:

²⁸“From the fig tree learn its lesson: as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts out its leaves, you know that summer is near. ²⁹So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that he is near, at the very gates. ³⁰Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. ³¹Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.

³²“But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³³Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. ³⁴It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake. ³⁵Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning— ³⁶lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. ³⁷And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake.”

These words are precious. The very words of God. Let them go deep and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you their importance.

This gives high level comfort…stay close. Love Him with no restraint. Preach the Gospel. Encourage the faint-hearted. Listen for His voice. Know the Scriptures. Stay awake.

Watch and pray. He is near. At the door.

we will worship

2011-08-16T09:09:00.000-04:00

We were made to worship. It is the destiny of every person (Psalm 22:27, Psalm 66:3,4, Rev. 15:4). It is the command of Scripture (Psalm 29:2, 95:6, 99:9, Matthew 4:10 and many others!) To worship and adore the One who made us is our joy, our privilege!

I know for me, in many circumstances, when I turn and worship the One who created the heavens and the earth and who sits as King forever, I am changed. It is like a great adjustment and everything comes into order in my heart and mind. Some of us "praise" easier than others. Expressing delight comes more naturally. I had heard once that part of the enjoyment process is to express our joy. We experience something or someone wonderful and out of our mouth comes the appreciation. To think of this in terms of worship is delightful to me, we see and understand the wonder of who He is and that wonder becomes the language of adoration. We were made for this. It is another reason the horror of idolatry in any form should devastate us.

We WILL worship, it is who we are made to be.

Today I read this headline:

"There's never been anybody like him"

Such worshipful language drew me in, what was it?

Elvis. Teary mourners holding a vigil at the anniversary of his death.

Declarations of praise like:

"There's never been anybody like him. I don't think he'll ever die."

"I try to be like him, in the ways that he was nice to people and how he treated people,"

"He helped me break out of my shell because I was kind of a shy kid,"

""Elvis music keeps the family together, I promised to come every year to pay tribute to Elvis because he is very important to the family life."

Seriously?

I am not mocking. I am not angry. Not really. I am sad and kind of stunned.

Thinking about our perilous condition when we worship what has been created in place of the Creator (Romans 1). We want to worship one who "who will never die", who will help our families, who will help us change, and who is a great example. It feels so right to pour ourselves out in tears to one who seems to satisfy our deepest longings and to whom we have no moral accountability. There is no sin to repent of. This god requires nothing of us. He just gives us songs we dance to and stirs up sensual pleasures we can feel good about. He makes no demands.

There is no Elvis heaven. No eternal home for ones who have trusted in him alone.

If this is our standard then there are many other additional names by which we may be helped.

I am fairly confident that these adoring fans (precious to God) would scoff at the idea of idolatry. Quite possibly many of these people profess faith in Christ.

This is God's business to deal with. And mine to pray for.

I do need to examine my own heart and what I am trusting in, perhaps less tangible and easy to see. There are no velvet images of the idolatry of human recognition.

Whatever it is, we WILL worship.

We will.

because i am a bit consumed with Jonathan Edwards right now...

2011-08-09T09:44:00.000-04:00

From "The Christian Pilgrim"

" Heaven is that place alone where our highest end, and highest good, is to be obtained. God hath made us for himself. ” Of him, and through him, and to him are all things.” Therefore, then do we attain to our highest end, when we are brought to God: but that is by being brought to heaven; for that is God’s throne, the place of his special presence. There is but a very imperfect union with God to be had in this world, a very imperfect knowledge of him in the midst of much darkness; a very imperfect conformity to God, mingled with abundance of estrangement. Here we can serve and glorify God but in a very imperfect manner; our service being mingled with sin, which dishonours God.—But when we get to heaven, (if ever that be,) we shall be brought to a perfect union with God, and have more clear views of him. There we shall be fully conformed to God, without any remaining sin; for “we shall see him as he is.” There we shall serve God perfectly; and glorify him in an exalted manner, even to the utmost of the powers and capacity of our nature. Then we shall perfectly give up ourselves to God; our hearts will be pure and holy offerings, presented in a flame of divine love.

God is the highest good of the reasonable creature; and the enjoyment of him is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied.—To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops; but God is the ocean.—Therefore it becomes us to spend this life only as a journey towards heaven, as it becomes us to make the seeking of our highest end and proper good, the whole work of our lives; to which we should subordinate all other concerns of life. Why should we labour for, or set our hearts on, any thing else, but that which is our proper end, and true happiness?"

pausing for a heart check….

2011-08-06T15:27:00.001-04:00

I am excited to continue meditation on Psalm 16:11, but for a moment I must mention an article I was directed to today.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14417362

Stephen Venable, who sent out the link on Twitter, called it appalling. I couldn't agree more.
I just wanted to add again that this is the hour of history where we must be alert. There are threats on every side.
What exactly do we believe?
We must guard ourselves from being lulled to sleep in a cacophony of political correctness and the "wisdom" of men. Our western culture idolizes human thought, and "what we think" (especially immortalized in print) takes on intimidating authority.
A number of years ago in our women's Bible study, I did an object lesson on Romans 3:4. Wanting to teach a greater truth in addition the immediate context, I gathered Playmobil people (my children's toys) and had small cards affixed to their little plastic fists with quotes from atheists through the ages, accusations against God seeming to come from their silent little plastic mouths. I brought them out one by one and placed them on the floor, reading their "wisdom" aloud.
They stood on the floor of the classroom gathered in their little band. Plastic fists upraised toward the God they deny. In came an extremely tall (6' 7" i think?) friend ( a God figure) who was waiting at the door. He came over and stood looking down at the little accusers in a great silence. The obvious gulf was a startling truth. An inconclusive discussion among the ladies ensued if he/He would/should crush them or gather them in his arms...
but the point was made. God, in His infinite greatness is undaunted by the ridiculous "grand" claims of man. What may be so intimidating to us, is nothing to Him, except for His infinite love toward His creation. And knowing that the day of judgment is coming.
While some in this article profess a type of faith, I believe the writing falls into that category easily.
Ideas are expressed like wanting to be rid of the "box" traditional Christianity has God in(like Jesus being the Son of God), the felt need to "reinvent" the faith, or even to be able to arbitrarily decide what you want to be true about God. And most horrifically, a denial of the existence of God at all by one leader. It is immensely tragic and worth giving ourselves in focused prayer for truth to be revealed to their hearts!

Little Playmobil people with upraised defiance to the Living God they refuse to acknowledge.

I feel a deep drawing to know what I believe and know to be true, and for all of us in the church. To be able to give a real articulate defense of the Gospel. To love those with whom we disagree with and yet not be intimidated.

God is who He says He is. There is no question. He is so far above us, and yet through the cross has drawn us near. He sits above the circle of the earth.(Isaiah 40:22) He is the Creator of heaven and earth. (Isaiah 37:16) He is the One sustaining life (even of those who curse Him). (Isaiah 42:5) And one day every eye will see Him and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord (Phil. 4:9-10)

Let us gain courage. Let us allow the Lord to examine our hearts and strengthen us where we are weak. Let us place all of our hope in Him.
And one day, one great Day when what is wrong has been made right, when Jesus is revealed in all His glory and we see Him, really see Him, it will be worth it all.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable his judgments,

and his paths beyond tracing out!

“Who has known the mind of the Lord?

Or who has been his counselor?”

“Who has ever given to God,

that God should repay him?”

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

meditating on His Word...

2011-08-04T08:06:00.000-04:00

“You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. ” (Psalm 16:11, NASB95)

CONTEMPLATING THIS...

Our God who is rich in mercy...

2011-07-30T14:36:00.002-04:00

I have been reading Ezekiel this summer.
What a book, stunningly beautiful at the first…followed by the sorrow of sin and judgment, and then prophetic promises of GREAT hope. This young priest without a temple, now in exile. In a pagan world. The heavens open. In exile. God makes Himself known to His banished ones. A massive cloud pulsing with flashing light draws near.
The words he found to tell of the visions of God by the River Chebar are breathtaking. (I didn't want to move on from them till I felt I had (somewhat) absorbed the majestic descriptions.)
Wheels within wheels. Brilliant hues. Mysterious living creatures carrying the throne, always facing forward, always moving. The sound of the wheels, a tumult like an army. The echoes of wings…like many waters..like the ALMIGHTY. The Voice of God speaks and they stand still, lowering their wings...So many sounds and colors... Amber and sapphire. A brilliance over their heads... awe. And this was only the "form" of the Lord's glory. In what became his custom, he fell facedown.
God coming to His people in a foreign land. The prophet is allowed to see.
The ensuing chapters recount what God had given His young prophet to speak, told him how to act. Painful judgment was coming to the remaining people of Judah still in the land. A re-telling of the unfaithfulness of the ones He created for Himself. The ones He loves.
These chapters are extremely hard to read, but most difficult so far was chapter 16.
It is 63 verses of sorrow. A graphic parable of the adulterous woman, once rescued and protected yet unwilling to live faithfully within the protection. A continual turning away from righteousness into deepest depravity and denial of the One who loves her. A proclivity toward the deepest darkness, like a car out of alignment hurling toward ditches. It is hideous, as is sin. Our sin.
In magnificent mercy, God speaks in verse 59 and onward about the covenant He will remember and hold fast to. He will atone for her sins. She will then remember that He is the Lord and will be stunned in shame and be silent.

I read this chapter in one sitting. Its impact was deep. From the glorious mysterious beauty of the revelation of who He is in the early chapters, we plummet to the depths of depravity and sin, a darkness so thick and murky, I was hard pressed to keep reading. What is hardest is that this story is our story. Do we not have a tendency to turn away? Submitting to flesh that is at once weak (Matthew 26:41) and pathetically, still feels powerful. And yet what do we find emerging from the pit, TRUTH. The promise of redemption. A God who loves and forgives knowing the depth of our sorrow and lostness. An Old Covenant telling of the New Covenant: HOPE.
Reading this chapter awakened in me a stunning fresh reality to who our God is.
If God were to judge our sin harshly, borrowing a John Piper phrase, He would "do us no wrong."
He would be perfectly just in His holiness to cast us aside. But that is not who He is.
That is not who He is!
Our story is all about His mercy and grace, the Judge of the whole earth purchased our redemption. It is a story that can break us. We know our wickedness. Before we were saved by His grace, and even now amidst the presence of remaining sin that we are learning to put to death. What mercy. Kindness unknown.
We are offended and resent other humans when they treat us as less than them. We speak of their treatment as "condescending" toward us; "who do they think they are?"
Yet there is One who is infinitely greater than us. He is Creator and He is holy. There truly is no one like Him and He exists at perfect happiness within His Triune being. He is love, never ceasing to be holy, living as the Judge of the whole earth. He is mercy perfectly defined. The uncreated God dwells outside of time. And He is our Savior.
Truly this HOLY ONE condescended to us. There is no offense to us in His condescension. Let us humble ourselves in gratitude and awe. Like the prophet, in view of the glory of God now in light of the cross, we fall facedown.

Titus 3:3-7
For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. ⁴ But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, ⁵ not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, ⁶ whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷ that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Winnie-the-Pooh Movie and Fear

2011-07-23T15:35:00.003-04:00

I never really relate to lessons learned from movies. I understand it is possible and all, but I am not a real movie goer so it is not my favorite medium for life lessons.
But all that changed today.
I took my daughter to see the new Winnie-the-Pooh movie. It is about all I can handle movie-wise. I had no idea that God might use it to speak to me.
All my life, I have had recurrent struggles with anxiety and fear.
Similarly, Christopher Robin's endearing menagerie, Rabbit, Pooh, Tigger, Kanga, Roo, Piglet and even Owl ( all his "wisdom" notwithstanding) frequently get into situations which terrify them. They run in circles and into each other, and between balloons, falling off cliffs, tumbling letters off the storybook page, buzzing bees and forests that look scarier than they actually are, they finally discover that they actually only scared themselves. They had a wrong impression, just one, and it led them to crazy misadventures and mishaps that only cartoon characters could survive intact. Granted it lent the plot line some interest without a real antagonist (ah the perfect world!), but it showed me something about the way I think sometimes, perhaps the way many of us do?
In mis-reading a note left by Christopher Robin, the friends become convinced that a terrible enemy is in their community. One little wrong idea led to a terrifying afternoon.
As for me, I get one impression, just one wrong idea in my head about something and I am on my way to end up in a deep pit with a honey pot over my head. Okay, the analogy stops somewhere, but serious understanding came to my heart as I sat watching this time tested story for young ones. I believe God was showing me how easily I accept what appears to be reality when I have little to no evidence. The little tidbit of "insight" speaks to a deep area in my heart that only God can heal. I am no better than Piglet running terrified from the suddenly foreboding forest that just a minute ago was the legendary Hundred Acre Wood where Christopher Robin played. Imaginations run wild and distance from God grows.
Doubt and fear take over until suddenly truth switches on like stadium lights for an evening game. Embarrassed at the wasted time and emotion, I am convicted of the sin of it all and deeply want to change.
Taking our thoughts captive is the Biblical command. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Making them a prisoner of Jesus. Destroying speculations.
Making them obey Him.
I heard a long time ago, that to surrender sinful patterns, we need to give ourselves to superior pleasures. It is far better to be so intentionally centered on God and His nature as provider, that when money fails us our faith and hope are already in the One who sees in advance and provides. Or to be meditating on the sovereignty of our Father and King and its implications, that in the midst of an unforeseen trial, our thoughts rush to the truth we have been dwelling in. Superior pleasures. Transcendent truth trumps our circumstances. (Phil. 4:4-8)
To be dwelling in truth is a proactive way to combat fear. What we think in advance of the trial or even the suggestion of one, is going to determine how we respond to those little snippets of information that can send us reeling. When our diet has been human reasoning and television shows which exude a value system far from God's, it is far more difficult to find peace. Tragically, in the day of crisis, we have no resource.
We are not adorable stuffed animals living in a little boy's imaginary world. Yet, we do fear shadows and get shipwrecked by what we think MIGHT be true. We need Jesus. Really applying the Scriptures by grace and the power of the Holy Spirit is our hope!
Let us take thoughts captive and avoid the stronghold of fear. He is good and He is our refuge.
And then the Heffalumps and Woozles lose their power…

More on idols, most important….

2011-07-23T09:26:00.000-04:00

“Therefore speak to them, and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols, ⁵ that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols.Therefore say to the house of Israel, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Repent, turn away from your idols, and turn your faces away from all your abominations."

Ezekiel 14:4-6 NKJV

"Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen."
1 John 5:21 NKJV

Abba Father, in the Name of Your Son, and in Your mercy, show us where idols are in our lives. We want no separation from You. We want to flee from idolatry. To love You first and most. Give us the courage to want only what You want in our lives. You are worthy of ALL of our love and devotion and holy fear….Give us the grace to truly repent. Thank You for drawing us near to the Holy flame of Your love.
Amen

the next idol to fall...

2011-07-18T22:28:00.008-04:00

Idols.
Crazy looking statues. The newest wannabe celebrity. Or a golden calf. It could be money or entertainment in a more modern context. Ambitions about job performance or promotion can steal our hearts. More intangibly, needing approval baits us. Feeling loved and valued. Even ministry and its trappings, breeds a craving for the approval of man. We are unwittingly drawn to them longing to fulfill some kind of need, all in the place of GOD.

All I know is that idols are really close to us, kind of stuck on us. It is almost hard to see them.

Like when you have a sticker on your back in a hard-to-see place, and someone points it out. Or the dreaded bit of food on your cheek.

Really close. And fairly obvious to those around us. Sadly we have gotten used to sticky patches on our face.

But it is worse, much worse, because those stickers and bits of peanut butter are easy to wipe off. Once they are pointed out, they are hurriedly removed.

Idols are similar, but harder to remove. We aren't aware that they are there. We maybe think we dealt with that problem years ago.

The severe consequences of idolatry become familiar, comfortable and woven into our routine. We bow down to crazy things and grow comfortable living at a unconvicted distance from God, when we are invited to live so close.

This is the greatest sorrow, the greatest horror. With the idol in place we have lost something infinitely precious. Something terrifying to lose. We have loved something or someone more than God.

When I read the prophets and the accounts of God's view of idolatry I am sickened. I picture the loving Father-Creator watching His children descend into worship of small putrid things. He stands in His glory and transcendent beauty witnessing His creation burn incense to idols in the very temple He directed them to build for Him. He is not passive. He will not be still. He topples idols. He chastens His people. He is our Father.

He shows us where the idols are hiding.

His discipline begins….

The hurt comes. Varied ways, but with some kind of threatened loss.

Investments fail. Relationships break.

We are overlooked. Something or someone we care about disappoints.

The strength of our reaction is kind of surprising.

Maybe we aren't able to dismiss the concern after prayer.

Instead of looking for God's approval, there is someone or something else in view.

The "I can't be happy unless this happens…" way of life.

But HELP comes…

The Lord speaks. If we can hear Him. We find someone has to move.

Someone or something has to give up their spot.

No way out. And if we are willing to hear it, the next idol is about to fall.

Unexpected pain and almost surprise that this well nurtured deity has to go.

Acknowledged sin.

Repentance.

Looking at life without it.

Unimaginable.

Peace.

Joy.

Huge dependence now on the idol crusher, learning a new way to live.

False starts and stops.

Deliverance comes.

Obedience out of love. A Renewed mind.

The Scripture is alive.

We are weak, broken and alive to God.

Oh the joy of collapsed idols…

may they never rise again!

Our longing for home

2011-07-16T12:56:00.000-04:00

I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all day; however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortable some part of the day. It refreshed my soul to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to Him. O my dear God, I am speedily coming to Thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be Thy blessed will. O come, Lord Jesus, quickly! Amen.

~ Entries from the Journal of David Brainerd

fear part three

2011-07-12T01:04:00.000-04:00

I see people pretty scared at times in the New Testament.
Jesus speaks to them. Calms them. Doesn't reject them, yet He brings correction that is not weak or tolerant of fear.

Looking at the Gospels.
Saying "don't be afraid" doesn't do much for a terrified person in the moment. But when it is God speaking, it is a different story.
God incarnate. Among His people.
Listen to how He speaks:

Mark :45-52
Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. ⁴⁶And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. ⁴⁷And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. ⁴⁸And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, ⁴⁹but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, ⁵⁰for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” ⁵¹And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, ⁵²for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

TERRIFYING CIRCUMSTANCES. LACK OF UNDERSTANDING.

Those are scary things. They were not understanding what was happening. They didn't seem to know what God could do. And Jesus spoke to them.

How did He comfort them in the midst of their terror?

Hear His words.

"It is I, Do not be afraid." What was He comforting them with?

Himself. Yes, amen.

Hard, terrifying, sudden circumstances, He is with us. Forever.

Oh I love Him.

Or in Luke chapter 5, Peter, discouraged after a night of fishless fishing, unbelievingly let down his nets at Jesus' command. Whether it was the sheer size of the miraculous catch, or the humbling realization of not believing in this holy miracle-working God-man, Peter appears crushed and desperate,

"When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, because I’m a sinful man, Lord!” ⁹For he and all those with him were amazed at the catch of fish they took, ¹⁰and so were James and John, Zebedee’s sons, who were Simon’s partners.

“Don’t be afraid,” Jesus told Simon. “From now on you will be catching people!” ¹¹Then they brought the boats to land, left everything, and followed Him."

HUMBLED BY GOD'S KINDNESS AND HOLINESS. AFRAID OF WHO THIS GOD IS AND WHAT HE IS DOING, WHAT HE IS CALLING HIM/US TO.

What is His answer? "Don't be afraid". Why? Jesus speaks to Peter of his calling. His purpose for Peter,
even knowing Peter's weakness. His influence was going to be great for the Kingdom.

Don't be afraid, I have much for you to do. Vision comes and fear dissipates and he follows Him.

Or in Luke 12, Jesus is warning His disciples about the religious leaders who would soon oppose them,

⁴“I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. ⁵But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! ⁶Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. ⁷Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. "

FEAR OF DEATH AND PERSECUTION AT THE HANDS OF MAN.

This threat was real then, massive suffering was imminent for the young church. It is real now across the earth, and perhaps coming to the western church. How does the Savior speak to them/us?

He adjusts the focus of their fear. The same word to the suffering ones in the church at Smyrna, "Don't be afraid of what you are about to suffer." (Rev. 2:!0) There their oppressors would succeed in putting some of the faithful to death, but if the young Smyrnan believers endured they would be rewarded after. A reward from GOD not man awaited them. Fearing man brings a snare (Proverbs 29:25), it captures us. The possibilities are endless to the ways we can imagine suffering at the hands of man. Jesus doesn't even address the specific fears, He shifts our gaze. He reminds us of the One who values us. The One who has a count of the hairs on our heads. The One who stores our tears in a bottle.

The One who has all authority. Fear Him. The Holy decision that takes place after death is the one that affects EVERYTHING. The eternal decision at a throne we cannot yet see, for we only see around us. We are called to gaze into eternity. To see our Righteous Judge, the One who values us more than any other. Find deep comfort there.

fear, part two

2011-07-08T23:36:00.001-04:00

"God did not give us a spirit of fear"(timidity, fearfulness, cowardice) 1 Tim. 1:7
We have heard that verse so many times, it loses meaning.

I see two main things here. The kind of fear spoken of here is spiritual in origin.
And God did not give it to me.

The idea of holding onto something God didn't give is silly.

Worse; embracing or surrendering to something hideous and NOT given to me by my Father is ludicrous, even deadly.
I only want what He gives.

Why do we, as human beings created by a holy, loving, majestic God who has purchased our redemption and given us His Spirit become afraid? We should be infinitely secure.

But in the life as we "work out our salvation with (the right kind of) fear and trembling…" (Phil. 2:12),
We may fear a multitude of things.
We fear darkness, though some fear light.
I know we fear pain. The pain of loss, exposure, suffering, and rejection to name only a few.
We fear making mistakes, maybe because we want to be perfect all on our own, but more often it is to please someone whose displeasure is dreaded.
Our fear can be very widespread. Afraid of many people and many things. Afraid of heights, afraid of depths. Afraid of closed spaces and open places. We can fear telling lies and fear telling the truth. Or afraid of getting lost or of being found.
Afraid of losing someone and afraid of being with someone. Afraid of the storms, and afraid of drought.
We can be afraid of getting married and afraid of being alone.
Sometimes it is a fear of authority. Or fear of being the authority.
Sometimes it is a fear of anyone, anywhere finding fault. Afraid almost all the time.
There is healthy fear, like of driving too fast, or standing too close to the edge of a cliff.
There is a healthy fear of God. Awe, respect and reverence. Knowing His power and greatness. Fearing our own frailty and trusting deeply in the Lord.
There are fears that are wise and there is fear that destroys. Fear that paralyzes and captures our thinking and subsequently our actions…There is a fear that Jesus spoke to on the earth and I believe He speaks to now,
"Don't be afraid" over and over.
I spoke with a man in Israel whom we respect greatly. On one of our first trips there I hesitantly/timidly/fearfully/embarrassedly asked him if he was afraid living in the land. In my estimation there was much to be afraid of with the near constant threat of war and terrorism. He quickly dismissed those fears and after a thoughtful silence, he said that knowing prophetically the size of the earthquakes that are to come at the end of the age, well, yes those concern him.
Some have a laser sharp focus of what scares them. Some have fears painted with a large brush.
(I have fallen into the latter category more often than not.)

I am no expert on fear, or human nature. I know there are a multitude of kinds and degrees of fear. I write only as one who has known pretty compelling fear in my life and is finding that My Father is leading me out of it.

There is a way out of this bad kind of fear.

fear / part one

2011-07-03T23:42:00.002-04:00

I don't know what it looks like or even how to get there, but I know how I feel when I am there. The pain inside me is cruel, biting and relentless. Thoughts uncontrollable, and heart pounding.
Fear is a place. A stronghold. I feel like I cannot escape once inside.
My thoughts become confused, disoriented and fixated on usually one terrifying thing after another.
It is not a welcoming place I willingly enter. I simply find myself inside.
I think I have learned fear's walls are clear. Transparent like glass. I don't recognize it . It blends in with normal life. Normal thinking. Normal information coming in.
I feel I am walking with God. Then suddenly find myself in a land of shadows.
Sinking... lifelines seeming to disappear.
It is dark and terrifying. Alone with horrible thoughts. Unanswerable questions, begging promises from God that none of these things will ever happen.
Torment. The word defines times like this.

It has been a little while now since I felt this way.
God, my Father, has been teaching me some things.
He isn't the one who led me there. He doesn't give me the spirit I find familiar in those times.
And I am convinced that He does not want me anywhere near that place...
So He is teaching me how to stay away.

more to come...

Fathomless

2011-06-29T21:26:00.001-04:00

Because You are a fathomless depth...

Longing increases with each expression of it. Wanting to see Your face. With everything in me.
To dwell unhindered in Your presence.

There is no end to the transcendent beauty You possess.
Right thoughts of You endure forever.
Truth not diminishing with time.
Into eternity flow wisdom's depths.

Affections increase with each recollection.

How many times can I contemplate Your love? How many adjectives will suffice to describe it? To know that which passes knowledge.

Considering Jesus.
(I never weary of it. It is never tiresome.)
The touch of Your grace upon our lives is resplendent and alive.

With every longing to know you that is expressed, another is discovered.
To know You is the finest pursuit.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
Romans 11:33 (ESV)

Doing great things, and there is no searching. Wonderful, till there is no numbering.
Job 5:9 (Young's Literal Translation)

Pride and Pedestals

2011-06-25T22:51:00.010-04:00

What I remember of Bob Sorge's counsel on receiving compliments and encouragements is to receive the person not the words themselves, (from his book "Dealing with the Rejection and Praise of Man").
That really helped me as for years I would either argue with the encourager about the validity of what was being praised or I would take the kind words about me and secretly continue construction of the pedestal on which I stand in my heart.
It helped me, but a deeper understanding of grace was needed, for I still kept my secret construction work going through the years.

Having had my self-confidence threatened by the hurts of life and a left handed compliment or two, my pedestal throne was quite weakened and shaky. Compliments were the go ahead for reconstruction. Almost like the "little builder that could. " You can almost hear the repeated phrase, " Yes, I knew I was great, I knew I was great, I knew I was great…".
Until the next rejection comes…the wrecking ball shatters my little platform. And with it, as I fall to the ground, a new saying floats through my brain, "I knew I was a jerk, I knew I was a jerk."
Until someone kind and merciful says something kind and merciful and the building program gets under way once again.
And then God is His mercy comes in as the Glorious Architect and Foreman of this project and He offers a new foundation plan.

Jesus. His kindness leading me to repentance as I find His forgiveness and grace. I am learning that He is my reason for living. It was never about me anyway.

What has remained is a deep abiding Joy, based on who He is. A secure and permanent foundation firmly established and it is Christ, alone.
So if the compliments come, hear the song, "I know I am His, I know I am His…"
And the injurious trials, "I know I am His, I know I am His…"
The Foundation remains undaunted.
And my heart is at rest….

Proverbs 10:25 NKJV

When the whirlwind passes by, the wicked is no more, But the righteous has an everlasting foundation.

Luke 6:48 NKJV

He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock.

1 Corinthians 3:9-12 NKJV

9 For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, you are God's building. 10 According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it. 11 For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, 13 each one's work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one's work, of what sort it is. 14 If anyone's work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward.

Aging well for the glory of God /Part THREE

2011-06-24T10:34:00.002-04:00

I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to help others. I don’t want to pledge allegiance to the values of Hollywood. Not for human glory or a weak self-help plan. But for the glory of God. We can stand strong in our weakness because God has purpose and abundant grace for every age.

Loving one another must demonstrate this. It has to! I want to love freely as I gain years, (not allowing bitterness to overtake me.) I want to love all the ages around me. Listening attentively to the young and the old. Tangentially my 10 year old spoke wisely after observing how people tend to not talk to children her age.

"We aren't cute little kids anymore and we aren't beautiful teens yet. We are ignored, I think, because people don't know what to say to us."

She and her friends discussed it and decided they needed to initiate conversation with adults, so they would know they could talk to them.

She is right I think. And she has learned to do just that.

We get trapped and feel only certain ages and physical appearances are valuable. Consider a dating website only for the beautiful, brought to the headlines recently for the controversy related to the hacker who allowed 30,000 ugly(!!) people to join and then they had to delete them for not measuring up. Most specifically, there is an implied sense of lost value as the years tick by, no wonder so many millions are invested in "youth retention.”

There is much to delight in as we find ourselves able to work with and adjust to physical and circumstantial changes as time goes by. We so enjoy having adult kids, which most of ours are now. We love our grandchildren! It is a gift to have years of life behind and hopefully learned to love Jesus and others more purely. It is glorious to know God more deeply after years of walking with Him.

As said previously, feeling young is familiar to us. With all its challenges, we know what "young" is like. Getting older can be frightening. In many ways, we grow weaker instead of stronger. Paul said it best, in speaking of suffering for his faith, that outwardly we are decaying, yet, inwardly, INWARDLY!, we are being renewed. There is so much hope in that statement.

There is the potential for continual improvement as we age. The implications of this fact are staggering.

It reminds me of the passage to wives in 1 Peter 3. While Peter instructs women to not MERELY (NASB) be adorned with outward beauty, he emphasizes the secret place which houses beauty that God Himself finds precious. A gentle and quiet spirit, that is adornment our Creator says is costly. There are enough passages in Scripture that speak of the hidden person of the heart to assure us that there is work being done by God within that far surpasses what can be accomplished by all the good eating and exercising available. Oh yes, be a good steward in how we care for our bodies. But know, that lasting treasure in God's sight is found within. And it only increases through living this life with Him by grace, through joys, in suffering, through His Word and prayer, simple obedience and loving Him first and most. Getting older has great potential!

Oh to be like Jesus. To love the way He does, abandoning self interest in favor of what is on His heart. What kind of contribution can we make in this world as we grow more like Jesus as we age? What furtherance of the Gospel? What laying hold of grace? What discipleship for the young? How deeply can we know Him? Oh beloved, there is HOPE for our future.

Psalm 95

2011-06-21T08:35:00.000-04:00

Come and worship!
There is a call for triumphant shouting and joyful thanksgiving!
Come and give Him what He is due.
Why?
Because He is GREAT.
Everything is His from the depths of the ocean to the highest mountain.
Fathomless depths of the Mariana Trench to glorious heights of Mount Everest.
All His.
Come! Worship! Bow down!
He is Lord.
He is our Maker.
He is our God.
We are His people.
His sheep.
We owe Him everything.
Come. Worship. Bow down.

Some have gone astray. Grieved our Maker. Our Shepherd.
Tried Him. Tested Him. Hardened their hearts. Didn't really know Him.
Yet, how He still loves.
His unfailing love does not weaken Him. Or make Him soft and able to be cajoled. His power is great. He is infinitely good. And resolutely just.
He remains perfect in holiness.
Unchanging and abundant in mercy.

Oh magnify the mercy of our Holy Redeemer God.
Oh come!
Let us worship and bow down…Let us shout joyfully before the LORD…
Our Maker and Redeemer.
Give Him what He is due.

Learning to age well for the Glory of God / Part Two

2011-06-18T23:35:00.013-04:00

Though I am new to this world of being treated as a senior citizen, I am already discovering a few things. Young clerks in stores tend to call me "sweetie" or "beautiful". It seems my graying hair indicates I need to be "encouraged" about my appearance. It seems signs of aging inspire pity in some who hurry to comment that I don't look my age, cause it would be pretty horrible to look my age. Right? Why?
Does it mean I am dying sooner? Is being young appealing because of its familiarity, we have walked that way before, and surely aging is an unknown territory? Or perhaps losing my ability to relate with this present age? Has life lost its meaning with the departing pigment in my hair, and the more frequent aching in my joints?

This is not the way our Father sees it. Not at all.

"Gray hair is a crown of splendor, it is attained in the way of righteousness." Proverbs 16:31

The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair."

Proverbs 20:29

What I am speaking to is an obsession our world has with youth, I daresay it is a form of worship.

Our society has named a clothing store about staying youthful, devised all kinds of diet plans, medical procedures, books, and a host of other "helps" to retain our youthfulness at all costs.

I had this great realization the other day, I don't need to look 23 anymore! My 23 year old daughter needs to look 23! I don't even need to look 43. If I feel healthy like I did when I was younger, super! If my husband tells me I am looking youthful one day, that is sweet! But it is okay to be older, to look older. We ARE older. And we can embrace it, because every part of life is His. He has not abandoned us because we have aged.

Major caveat here: Taking care of ourselves by eating well with nutritionally sound choices, exercising and ridding ourselves of unhealthful habits is WONDERFUL and God honoring! And life IS more difficult as we age. Even if we have done "all the right things", life is not the same as it once was. There are new challenges but I am finding there are new joys as well!

I am no expert on aging well, though I know some who are aging with so much grace and peace. And their example is beautiful and laying a path for us to walk in.

But I also see elsewhere a frantic pace to attain something that is unattainable. To hold on to what is passing away. We set ourselves up for near continual frustration and emotional pain.

³ “Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
You who have been borne by Me from birth
And have been carried from the womb; ⁴ Even to your old age I will be the same,
And even to your graying years I will bear you!
I have done it, and I will carry you;
And I will bear you and I will deliver you." Isaiah 46:3-4

Oh I love this passage! Oh i love God!
The unchangeableness of God is most comforting in a multitude of ways. But to me, this truth is a wellspring of joy and comfort for us as we age!
We were unaware of His faithfulness when we were babies. Unaware of His unchanging goodness as we grew. "Even to our old age....He will be the same."
Carrying us, oh the wonder of our faithful God.
We can cease from frantic labors to retain what feels outwardly most familiar.
We can rest in unfailing love as we care for our earthly tents, and love Him more fully as the Day of being with Him forever approaches.

I am not crazy about needing reading glasses and I liked my brown hair. But among many others, these things are changing. My husband and I decided to go gray together. We were not going to worry about greying hair, God calls it a crown of glory, and in our world we often act as if it is a crown of shame. Something needs to change.

Learning to age well for the glory of God Part ONE

2011-06-15T23:22:00.001-04:00

When we lived in Germany we were blessed with a good number of international friends. One was a man raised in India as a Jewish believer in Jesus. He was delightful and whenever we would ask how he was, his playful answer was always spoken in his lovely musical accent,
"Getting older..".
Astute observation.
I was sort of depressed when I turned 20, leaving my teens was fairly tragic to me.
I was getting older and the impact on the world I was seeking to have was taking longer than I had anticipated.
That was my hardest birthday.
I recently turned another year older, well celebrated by my wonderful family.
It was lovely and by God's grace I don't mind getting older too much anymore. It has not always been that way.
Often when I have dreaded aging something providential happens like when I attended the 50th birthday of a dear friend who after battling cancer was THRILLED to see 50, publicly thanking God for another year. I was adjusted in a moment. Really. Or at a wedding when I was obsessing to my 70 something year old friend my struggles with being 40 something, she redirected the conversation to the beauty of God's throne room and again, mercifully, I was quickly adjusted to what should consume our thoughts.
We live in a society that worships youth. And transient beauty.
The threat of losing it becomes a looming nightmare and however we can slow it down or minimize its effects becomes our highest goal. If I can just create the illusion of looking a few years younger than I am, then something, somewhere deep inside of me is satisfied. The passing comment of looking younger than we are creates a new best friend.
"If you think I look younger than I am then you must be of inestimable worth and character and I want to be around you all the time."
Oh God help us.
It HAS to be okay to be 53. Or 47. Or 29. Or 72. Or 68. And on and on.
It has to be, because God has purpose for every age.

(more thoughts to come...)

overwhelmed

2011-06-11T16:28:00.000-04:00

Oh my King and my God, I sit here overwhelmed.
By your beauty. Undone by the heights and depths of truth.
The miracle of saving grace. Your rescue of the hardest of hearts.
So hard to fathom for those who don't yet know you, those offended by unfettered joy and transformation.
The humble are at least awed, the unrepentant angered.
You change us. You reveal to us the glorious nature of Your Son. In us and through us.
Jesus, You are consuming. All my hope is in You. There is no one more glorious. No one worthy. No one as beautiful. Holiness defined.
Your Name like ointment poured forth.
O come to Him, you who are weary. You who labor under a heavy yoke. Come to Him, He is altogether lovely.
Come to Him you offended ones, surrender to love and holiness. Let conviction of sin be found sweet.
The way has been made. The path made clear.
Come unto beauty. Truth. Love. And holiness.
Fear Him. Love Him.
Today is the day.

getting things right pt. 2

2011-06-07T10:49:00.001-04:00

My son and his wife wrote a song years ago that moved me (and many others I know!) deeply every time we sang it. It is a declaration of who God is. It always made me think of standing before the Holy One and declaring His greatness without pretension or demands, just a willingness to love Him wholeheartedly for who we are learning to understand He actually is. There is so much freedom is simply loving Him for who He is. Here are those words. Thank you Noah and Katie!

This is Who You Are

Jesus Son of God, the Righteous living One, the Holy One Above

The Savior of the World, lover of my soul, Healer of my Heart

You came to earth, and died for me, to save me, to take me from my sin

You have loved me with an everlasting love

This is who You are, Desire of the Nations

This is who You are, The Holy Lamb of God

This is who You are, the Lion of Judah

This is who You are, This is who You are

Appointed from eternity, You have always been, You will always be

Forever You will reign, enthroned in the praises You're due, enthroned in the praises You're due

We often followed this song with a chorus that is a call to awaken because the Day of the Lord is near. Yes, we must see Him as He is, and our hearts will come alive!

getting things right

2011-06-04T21:43:00.005-04:00

I think we sometimes get it wrong.

Somehow our Gospel understanding becomes a very self-absorbed dilemma. I am supposed to be happy and comfortable and safe and BLESSED. And God's actions which we don't understand (but reveal Him as God, embarrassing how this bothers us) offend.

David Platt says the Gospel is not about us, it never was. It is about the glory of God. I was challenged by his belief, but I now believe it too.

Life is spent getting to know God, for who He really is and finding my place of belonging under the shadow of His wing.

Yes, He is a loving Father we can know intimately in the depths of our being through our union with Christ by the indwelling Holy Spirit. But in all this, He does not cease to be holy and majestic and He does what He pleases.
I had spent years wanting Him to fit into a mold I had made, almost begging the Sovereign of the universe to "play nice" and I will be all kinds of obedient and devoted. Oh how wrong I was. He is who He is. Pretending and blindly hoping He will do according to my wishes, is like closing my eyes, sticking my fingers in my ears and singing a nursery rhyme to drown out a conversation I don't want to hear. I am only pretending. I can make it go away, but only in my mind.
When we come out of hiding...we take a peek at the HOLY. Terrified, we look and see a Father's face in the blazing glory. Could it be? We feel tiny and humbled. He is not who we thought He was. He is far more. He is God. And in the swirl of budding revelation and understanding, we can learn to love the mystery. To love the comfort of sovereignty. To love that He does not wait for our instructions. To love participating in prayer from a place of surrender.
I study the throne room scenes in Scripture and find I love thunder. And living creatures. And fire, lightning and the sea of glass. I love the reminders of mercy in every judgment passage. I love that He will conquer His enemies and ours at the end of days. I love that He hates sin. I love that He reveals Himself to the seeking and we cannot control it. I love how hope surges within in the midst of painful circumstances, remembering that He is sovereign, though mystery prevails. I love that He moves on behalf of the weak... I love who He is. I remember once in a prayer meeting, my heart overflowed as on the microphone as I blurted out,
"Oh God, I love who You are!"
It sounded awkward and maybe silly, but it was from a place of real joy and discovery.
I am only beginning to discover. Longing for eternity's unfolding of all truth. Faces fully unveiled...

Psalm 135:6
Whatever the LORD pleases, He does, In heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps.

Where or Near where Jonathan Edwards encountered the Lord in Bolton, CT.

2011-05-26T08:41:00.000-04:00

"...there came into my soul, and was as it were diffused through it, a sense of the glory of the Divine Being; a new sense, quite different from any thing I ever experienced before. I thought with myself, how excellent a Being that was, and how happy I should be, if I might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to him in heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in him for ever!

"The appearance of every thing was altered. God's excellency, his wisdom, his purity and love, seemed to appear in every thing; in the sun, moon, and stars; in the clouds, and blue sky, in the grass, flowers, trees; in the water, and all nature I spent most of my time in thinking of divine things, often walking alone in the woods, and solitary places, for meditation, soliloquy, and prayer, and converse with God."

Sharing the Gospel

2011-05-24T00:02:00.001-04:00

Our waitress had told us her sad story with more detail than we could have needed. She was pregnant, carrying twins, had left home, couldn't pay her bills and was missing her home thousands of miles away. Our compassion welled up and we offered encouragment, but it became evident that the story was "the thing" and help was not really needed, but perhaps a generous tip. Frustrated that she was talking and not listening, and starting to feel manipulated, I confronted (lovingly I hope!) her as I payed the bill.

"You need Jesus. He is the only One who can help you bring order to your life. He is the One who forgives our sin. He is the only One, the Only Way..."

She sort of agreed, totally changed her drill, asking me "Why are you acting all serious?"

"...Cause this IS serious. He loves you. He died for you."

I was not even believing how serious I was acting.

I felt this relentless love for her. This was a couple of years ago. I was not struggling for words. It was not hard. It was somewhat intense. And I was not a perfect evangelist. But there was something real about it.

Fast forward to an airplane conversation this week.

Providence ruled and what began as a casual conversation in line while waiting to board our plane, ended up being a deep Jesus-filled conversation that defined our 2 1/2 hour flight as we shared a row.

Her life as a "gentleman's "club dancer was wearing thin. She could no longer tolerate the continual drinking that was her only method of fulfilling her obligations each night. She confessed she had lost every moral she had ever had, her beautiful but worn eyes communicated a weariness that she was seeking to soothe in a new "spiritual" life. I asked her what her new spirituality entailed (yoga and astrology) and I shared how unique Jesus is (among other gods who are not God). Our conversation plumbed much of the glorious depths of the Gospel. We spoke of sin and redemption and the jealous love of God for her. Her eyes filled with tears as by grace, it seemed the Holy Spirit was speaking to her. She spoke of how she knew we were meant to meet and I gave her a New Testament.

I was a little less "aggressive" than towards the waitress....but the intense impulse of God's love for her remained.

In the very first church I attended, I went to a meeting where missionaries had just returned with stories of their work. I listened intently, stunned at their courage and boldness. They sounded unafraid as they described their evangelism in the streets of Mexico (i think!). I remember asking one of the young men how they knew what to say and weren't they afraid? He answered in a way which shook me deeply. I regret I cannot remember his exact words, but what I took away was that he simply said that it IS scary to be a witness if you don't have anything to share. He was fairly abrupt and I was a bit rattled.

Did I have anything to share? Do I now?

The Gospel. Yes, it is powerful for salvation and for us always and not just at salvation. The application of its truth should always be defining our lives.

Jesus. How truly wonderful He is. In these simple stories, it was easy to tell both women. It was easy. In this more recent airplane story, I had no method practiced. I have heard so many, but it only made sense to speak of what I knew. For sure. Jesus is completely wonderful, holy and will not tolerate our wanderings forever. His sacrifice is massive and incomparable. The words spilled out easily. By grace. In evangelism I can only tell what I know. I have tried, through the years, to apply other peoples' phrases, other peoples' sayings. In small ways they work, but usually I feel awkward, my words hanging limp in the air. The Truth of the Gospel doesn't change. But it must be real to me. Even if my words precisely mirror another's , they must flow from what I KNOW. I must have encountered the Savior myself not just in the past, but today. I am abiding in Him even as I speak of Hm.

We must be persuaded. Fully persuaded. Continually rehearsing the Gospel's truth in life application. And then it flows. With joy. It was easy to tell the precious "airplane woman" that He loves her. It was easy because I am sure He does. I am a weak evangelist, fairly cowardly and worried about offense. But if I am walking closely enough to Him, in His Word readily and praying for opportunities, He gives grace. Because He loves that waitress, as He loves that dancer. In their weakness He loves them. I can share this because I am sure, deeply sure, because in my weakness I know He loves me.

2 Timothy 1:8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,

2 Timothy 1:12 ...nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

I am gripped by this...

2011-05-16T01:30:00.006-04:00

I am simultaneously reading a wonderfully long Jonathan Edwards biography by George Marsden, some of JE's writings, and the thoroughly delightful "A God-sized Vision" by Collin Hansen and John Woodbridge. In a couple of these treasures, I have run across an account of the Great Awakening in New England that has deeply challenged me. I am sure I am arriving late to discover a familiar story for many. It speaks of a man named Nathan Cole who wrote an account of going to hear George Whitefield preach. The esteemed evangelist of the Great Awakening was coming to speak in a city near his home. Hearing of Whitefield's soon arrival, he dropped his tools (he was at work) and ran to summon his wife to bring her with him, they then mounted his horse and sped on their way to hear the famed preacher bring the Gospel to their community. Read his report,

"And when we came within about half a mile of the road that comes down from Hartford Weathersfield and Stepney to Middletown; on high land I saw before me a Cloud or fogg rising. I first thought it came from the great river [Connecticut River], but as I came nearer the Road, I heard a noise something like a low rumbling thunder and presently found it was the noise of horses feet coming down the road and this Cloud was a Cloud of dust made by the Horses feet. It arose some Rods into the air over the tops of the hills and trees and when I came within about 20 rods of the Road, I could see men and horses Sliping along in the Cloud like shadows, and as I drew nearer it seemed like a steady stream of horses and their riders, scarcely a horse more than his length behind another, all of a lather and foam with sweat, their breath rolling out of their nostrils in the cloud of dust every jump; every horse seemed to go with all his might to carry his rider to hear news from heaven for the saving of Souls. It made me tremble to see the Sight..."

I cannot get "over" this. I picture the mysterious fog swelling up above the ground, tenderly marking the place of God's visitation. I can imagine the thundering hoofbeats. The excitement of coming to hear the glorious news of Jesus Christ was clearly paramount to this community. It seems, from the account, that NOTHING was more urgent, or more precious. The very environment changed, charged with the anticipation of men to hear the words from God through this servant. They seemed to put everything aside, just to hear...I cannot get over this, I should not get over this.

Lord, awaken us.

for the whole account, http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5711

smallness

2011-05-06T07:22:00.006-04:00

i like things that make me feel small.
not small in the sense of intimidation. or crowded cities, being just "a number" or being devalued in someone's eyes, (although those things can be used to work a good humility).

i love feeling small in the sense of a massive glittering nighttime sky.
(oh what is man that You are mindful of Him!?)
the distance itself, from earth to sky...oh steadfast love!
roaring ocean waves breaking over rocky crags...
or a calm ocean's expanse. deep like His judgments.
mountains like righteousness rising above the earth.
or Providence unfolding bringing order from chaos. what was meant for evil turning to good before our eyes.

oh i love feeling small.

worship swells as His greatness is observed.
our God is great. to be contemplated forever.
and in His magnificent greatness, He loves.

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast you save, O Lord. "

psalm 36:5.6

osama

2011-05-02T19:40:00.000-04:00

He is gone from the earth.
There are many more. Hatred has deep tentacles.
So many are talking about it. Opinions expressed from every corner. Most, rightly distancing themselves from the celebratory response.
We are realizing, with a sobriety, that rejoicing in the streets over the demise of our enemy is emblematic of what is abhorrent to us.
And it won't always be this way.
A Day of unhindered justice is coming.
It will be a day of awe.
As a Christian, by grace I have seen that my sin is as evil before God as anyone's.
I mustn't forget.
God has been merciful to me.

"He saw that there was no man,
   and wondered that there was no one to intercede;
then his own arm brought him salvation,
   and his righteousness upheld him.
¹⁷ He put on righteousness as a breastplate,
   and a helmet of salvation on his head;
he put on garments of vengeance for clothing,
   and wrapped himself in zeal as a cloak.
¹⁸ According to their deeds, so will he repay,
   wrath to his adversaries, repayment to his enemies;
    to the coastlands he will render repayment.
¹⁹ So they shall fear the name of the LORD from the west,
   and his glory from the rising of the sun;
for he will come like a rushing stream,
   which the wind of the LORD drives.

²⁰ "And a Redeemer will come to Zion,
to those in Jacob who turn from transgression," declares the LORD."

Isaiah 59:16-20

longing

2011-05-01T08:07:00.001-04:00

Lord, I’m a stranger here alone;
Earth no true comforts can afford;
Yet absent from my dearest One,
My soul delights, to cry my Lord!

Jesus my Lord, my only love,
Possess my soul, nor thence depart,
Grant me kind visits, heavenly Dove;
My God shall then have all my heart.

~ David Brainerd (from his diary)

Again I am struck, as this is becoming a continual feast for me, that attachment to this world decreases as we walk with Him. I feel less at home. And not the old desire to depart in difficult earthly times. Having moved from a treasured location and community just two years ago, the sense of clinging to the earth has dramatically decreased for me. Increased longing to be with the Savior is almost overwhelming at times. The sense of belonging which we crave is only found in Him. The mysterious union with HIm which comes at salvation only seems to increase its hold. Oh blessed Savior! Messiah! King and Friend!
All of my hope is in You. All of my longing is toward you. Give me grace for deeper surrender. Selfless service in Your Kingdom. A fixed gaze on the One who is worth it all...

unchanging

2011-04-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8

You will make no advance in the divine life, if your eye is ever upon yourself instead of Christ. What though the experience of today is the opposite of the experience of yesterday- yesterday all brightness, today all cloudiness; yesterday your soul like a well-tuned psalm, today every string loosed and breathing no melody; yesterday, Jesus felt to be so near and precious, today seeming to awaken not a loving emotion in your heart; yesterday, communion with God so sweet, today, none whatever; yesterday, desiring to walk uprightly, holily, and humbly, today detecting so much that is vacillating, weak, and vile. Nevertheless, Jesus is not changed.

Ocatvius Winslow

thanks to lee dodd and his devotional email!

suffering well and the justice of God

2011-04-28T07:27:00.000-04:00

Suffering well

This was the phrase used by Matt Chandler as he faced brain cancer (with a godly bravery I

had never seen before). I was gripped. Conviction rivered through my thoughts. Having battled

fear much of my life, suffering was something I avoided at all costs. I shudder even now at how

much I love all things comfortable, be it food, clothing, relationships, shoes...I am a "blessed

to the point of testing" American Christian. I read accounts of precious believers in Jesus, in

far off lands, paying dearly for their faith and shunning comfort for the surpassing greatness of

knowing Him. I have asked friends if they would have said, "yes" to the Savior if they knew it

would cost them their lives. I have asked myself.

Suffering is not theoretical for millions.

I scan photos of the landscape of Japan's sudden wasteland, praying through tears, trying to

somehow enter into the pain of their suffering. The loss.

I read reports of parents in desperate search for a missing child, taken from them. Suffering.

Depths of pain and anguish unparalleled. Asking God for their comfort.

Young people, taking their lives... unable to bear the anguish of their souls, the devastating grief

of their parents.

Children afflicted with ravaging cancer.

Those living in great persecution who only ask for prayer that they may be strong in

persecution's ugly face.

Sudden alone-ness of the bereaved. Anger, betrayal...sorrow. Once loving faces now

sinister. Abounding.

As awareness of global suffering was nearly suffocating my soul, I asked the Lord a question..

Like a last breath before succumbing to the rip tide of my own despair at the despair of

strangers, I asked Him:

How does it look to You?

How do You bear it? You know it all. ALL. Every horror and cruelty, every sudden sharp

crucifying pain...

Like a child I asked Him.

His answer was clear, immediate. He reminded me. Real comfort settled in my soul with an

unfamiliar calm.

He is not passive. Nor is He pensive with anguish. He lives outside of time, enthroned above the

circle of the earth. Seeing the end from the beginning.

He sees the triumph of His justice.

For the oppressed of the earth, it will come in the fullness of His time. It will roll like a river.

Every wrongdoer will be vanquished. The ones who have trusted Him will see His face, their suffering will cease. The broken made whole. The hungry satisfied. Sorrow

will cease. With this hope an anchor, we can learn to suffer well. And comfort the suffering. It

is not a platitudinal shallow comfort. It is the application of Holy Justice. And for this great and

coming day, with fervent longing, I wait...

"Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,

And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you

For the LORD is a God of justice;

How blessed are all those who long for Him."

Isaiah 30:18 NASB

the day between

2011-04-23T16:55:00.000-04:00

I feel like holding my breath. This is how Saturday is.

The Saturday between.

Good Friday is large to me, solemn and out of reach in its majesty.

Normal activity seems to offend on that day.

There is this holiness. Consecrated silence in my soul, attempting to contemplate the mystery of the cross. reading the accounts, imagining the scene, attempting to contemplate the theology shaped by the event that changed everything.

Undeserved suffering, the gravity of sin. Oh my Savior. What glory in the cross.

The day passes with a perpetual frustration, I didn't "get it" enough.

Hopes for deeper understanding pass into Saturday.

That mysterious day between.

It is a day of silence for me. I feel like holding my breath.

The joy of Resurrection is coming, on the brink of breaking forth.

Resurrection greetings will adorn our conversations.

He is risen!

Indeed.

It is so vital to remember. to contemplate.

In the flurry of chocolate and asparagus and sweet rolls...

There is transcendent joy unabated, He is risen!

But that day between, how do we think on that day?

The gratefulness drenched in sorrow of the day before and the anticipated celebration of tomorrow's miracle...

Like the waiting in this life.

For His return, His justice triumphant on the earth.

To be with Him forever. The Day that is coming.

In the waiting we labor. But there is a silence in my soul about it. A holding back from despair even in the ache of this world's pain, because we know. HOPE is about to break forth. I sort of hold my breath in anticipation...not holding too tightly to this day, grieving the evil in our midst. I can't give in to despair...it must be held back. There is a grander, greater, purer DAY coming.

And sometimes you just need to wait.

In light of suffering and the emerging hope,

today is just, well, sort of silent. I guess I just (joyfully) hold my breath.

teach us Your ways

2009-11-12T23:37:00.000-05:00

it started as a sort of random, meditative prayer. but quickly i found myself saying the words over and over again with accelerated meaning.
"oh God, teach us Your ways!"
teach us how to love, how to give expecting nothing in return, "teach us Your ways..."
my eyes filling with tears, "teach us Your ways". to live the sermon on the mount...
how do we even pray? "Lord, teach us Your ways..."
How do we love the broken? "teach us Your ways..."

there is so much we say we do in His Name. when i paused to think of the serious implication of even saying we do, i was stopped in my tracks.
pleading from the deepest place within;
"oh Lord, teach me Your ways."

after this prayer, i knew something of Heaven had reached me. i had been drawn into a prayer near to God's heart and full of implication,
a desire for purity and understanding welling up within.

sometimes we are stopped in our tracks and filled with a startling and fresh longing from God alone.
oh God, awaken Your church. awaken me.

major transition year

2009-07-07T11:02:00.000-04:00

we are living in florida. after seemingly endless tears, we headed away from our beloved home in the albany, new york area. to parts south. we are trusting each day in this strange new place. the animals are intimidating, even the insects are substantial in size. our temporary housing is on the ocean. breathtaking beauty we are already taking for granted! little is the same as before. but here we are. sensing God's call. amidst what feel like imperfect circumstances. we miss our family more than we can say. communicating often. longing for presence. our friends, church family. we love them! and rightly, there is the sense of community pressing on without us as we explore our new one. it is all quite emotional. yet, as we have begun to pray with others for this region, i find the language of our new york prayer takes over. awakening. new life. deliverance from dullness. fervency in the church spilling over to the lost. let it happen Lord! awaken our hearts to all that is in Yours for this region! this gives me hope for our changes more than anything else.

amazing grace

2008-08-09T12:01:00.000-04:00

I just watched this : http://www.kltv.com/global/story.asp?s=8699200

I am sitting here weeping. Thank You God for kindness and mercy and grace. In addition, last night I watched the youtube videos with Steven Curtis Chapman and his family expressing God's ownership over them and their love for Him in the face of unspeakable sorrow. Their agony as their little 5 year old daughter killed in a tragic car accident was compounded as the driver was their 17 year old son. Amazing grace. After their Larry King interview, Larry was powerfully affected by their story, expressing his own wish that he could "have that belief " and in speaking of his time with them, that "he would never forget it".

It is causing me to contemplate the power of a truly godly life. The testimony of the miraculous, truly miraculous, whether it is the uncomplicated faith of a single mom praying with her church family for her daughter and the subsequent unexplainable(in natural terms) disappearance of her child's brain tumor (link posted above) or the miracle of hearts in blinding pain speaking of love for and trust in Someone greater than they are, who has a greater purpose they cannot see but are trusting in! Amazing grace. And inexpressible beauty. I was stunned at the beauty of the Chapman family. They were not pretending immunity from pain, nor were they seeming to force an expressed trust. Their testimony was of a supernatural nature, they weren't acting "spooky" but it was as supernatural as anything I have personally witnessed. I believe that the evidence of a transformed life is the greatest miracle we see. What God is able to do within a human heart is breathtaking.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

The presence of God in the lives of His people is staggering in its implications. Healing the sick, comforting the broken heart, allowing His perspective on our suffering to soothe our pain. He changes us. I see myself beginning to care about what I didn't care about before. How did I change? When did i change? Supernatural power working within , helping me obey, trust, love, speak, pray....Life supernatural. It isn't a miracle you would expect standing on a platform to display for hungry miracle seekers. "Look at this man! He is kind. He never was kind before! " Ooohs and aaahs from the crowd. Or perhaps imagining people standing in line for hours to see a truly humble person. Or even to hear a Biblically sound message about the wonder of the Incarnation. Miracles. They are great aren't they? But exactly what are they? I wonder if people missed celebrating Zaccheus' transformation. Just how angry were the disciples that Levi, the hated tax collecter joined them? How often do I stop and marvel at God's transforming work in a human heart? I know when I do, I am blown away, filled with awe. I need to do it more, and give God glory for His amazing grace, love and power. For real.

dying from the inside out

2008-07-09T11:52:00.000-04:00

I kept forgetting to buy steel wool pads. I'd go to the store and consistently forget for weeks, gingerly saving the one I had left, draining it after using it etc. Today it still looked good and yet as I used it the water became a rusty bath for my dishes and I realized that it looked okay on the outside but was rotting from within. It virtually disintegrated in my hand.

I have been heavily burdened for the church in America. I know so many are. But it is getting more intense. Yesterday I felt like screaming,"We are being ravaged by our enemy and we don't even know it!"

Dying from the inside out.

We are starving for soundness of doctrine. And we are satisfied with error, drunk with our rationalizations for why something is "of God." We stop seeing, stop hearing. Israel knew when their enemies were coming. They had watchmen on the ramparts. They could hear the sounds of battle. We don't hear the sounds, while our watchmen are largely asleep.

In persecuted communities, they know the enemy is prowling, watching their movements. We forget in our pursuit of a deeper self-love that we are being watched. When our completely man-centered gospel is preached we don't even notice. We are being targeted. Any distraction to remove the gaze of our hearts from Him. It is like I hear whispers "over here! look at this!"
Invitations to an idol's feast.

There is one strategizing for our demise, granting a dullness of heart that is intoxicating. Dying from the inside out. And we play along, unwitting participants in our own death, from the inside out.

In the coming hour of need, when we are put to the test, will we crumble, disintegrate in His hand as He seeks to use us?

Oh God, Abba, help us. Open our eyes, wake us up. Make us alive on the inside.

Glorious Hymn

2008-06-23T16:32:00.000-04:00

What language shall I borrow to thank thee, dearest friend,
for this thy dying sorrow, thy pity without end?
O make me thine forever; and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never outlive my love for thee.

O Sacred Head Now Wounded (attributed to Bernard of Clairvaux)

i want to be with You where You are

2008-06-06T11:13:00.000-04:00

when i was young, trying, wanting desperately to be an actress, i would look longingly into the lives of actors i admired and want to live in their world. the world of seeming endless self-confidence and popularity. the world of beautiful appearance and well honed craft and the intensity of being taken "oh so seriously". granted the discussion of appearances and reality aside, it was a very real longing....but today, i am pondering the wonder of meeting someone who seems to live in a different spiritual world than i do. a good Biblical one to be sure, but so different and wonderful. you can see the difference of where they"live". a fully surrendered humble heart, living in deep communion with their God. His nature so closely melded into their own, not perfect to be sure, but so much closer than i.

i was further contemplating the pinnacle of this in those who met Jesus on the earth. who heard the whisper of the many waters in His voice, who saw the hint of fire in His eyes. i envy those who caught a glimpse of His fathomless well of love for His Father and ours. can you imagine the longing so many felt to go with Him to where He lived! i think of popular worship choruses "i want to be where You are!", or the shulammite begging to know where her beloved shepherd feeds His flock at noon...it all speaks of this longing for His nearness! the amazing thing is we are invited to be where He is! because of the cross and the indwelling of His Holy Spirit we are able to draw nearer and nearer...to live in the Kingdom. to be fully His. to lose our life to find it in Him.

oh Jesus. i am struck silent by the wonder of knowing You.

draw me after You

2008-06-01T08:33:00.000-04:00

what is it about even talking about abandonment to God that stirs our hearts? we meet a faithful one has left everything, caring nothing for their own life, and hear them speak a passion-filled statement that hits our ears and electrifies our hearts. it seems when we hear or even read of someone's efforts at wholeheartedness before God, something rises us within us saying "yes!" we innately sense this is who we are called to be. we esteem the ones walking this way and feel compelled to run hard after Him, a fresh impulse filling us to be fully His.

this is who we are created to be! there is a lingering incompleteness until we enter into a deeper place of fellowship with the One who created the heavens and the earth. for me, one of the greatest realities of God's existence is the drawing i feel toward Him. the inexpressible desire for His nearness. He makes Himself evident by the very longing i feel.
oh! let me respond rightly to the wooing of Your Spirit!

devotion

2008-05-29T10:39:00.000-04:00

i just got off the phone with a beautiful young girl who has an even more beautiful heart. she is facing a deeply painful disappointment and yet, is finding Jesus worthy in her eyes. choosing Him over the pain and sorrow she could choose wallow in. such abandonment is lovely to behold! undistracted even by a legitimate sorrow. wow. i like to imagine what this does to the heart of God, the One who spoke with great longing as He remembered the past devotion of His people in Jeremiah 2, remembering His people as they were forgetting Him. it was then that His people followed Him in holiness in a land not sown. His faithfulness had been poured out upon them. He remembers their love as a bride. it makes me weepy to contemplate Him in this way. the tender and holy God. the God who remembers. i think of my young friend, oh Lord give grace to this young precious heart as she seeks You, and as for me, i want to do likewise.

words

2008-05-29T00:07:00.000-04:00

a mission statement.

okay. i am trying to write thoughts down. the world needs another blog. :-) so this is my offering. i love Jesus. with everything i am, i love Him. i want to know Him more and more. He is everything to me. i am so grateful for the cross. to be able to be His and to be known as His. so that is why i am writing. out of love. for my own heart's sake. and for His. and perhaps someone else's. so this is dedicated to that purpose. amen.